I think I knew the moment the sonographer put his little camera to my belly. But I still waited for him to say, "Oh, yep. There's the head, there's his little heart."
There was no such chatter, just a long silence as we both looked at the screen which showed only a small circle, silent and still.
He let me leave out the back door. "I'm guessing you don't want to wait for the prints."
Our brief little visitor was a surprise one. First met with fright and insecurity, and then with courage and freedom to make room for him, to let some things go, then confidence, and excited anticipation. And then grief.
I decided to keep this quilt for myself, because I couldn't face anything related to work, no matter how relaxing. I finished the binding, left the rest of the quilting for another day, and rested beneath it. And for now, that's all we plan to do.
We've decided to pack up my space in town, and bring the colours back home and wait and see.
