My Imaginary Friend

I'm really enjoying being part of SMS Giveaway Day, watching the entries for my little giveaway roll in on email. One of the things that has struck me are those that have apologised for not knowing about fabric lines or what they'd like to have reprinted (the suggested answer for entry). It got me thinking that I hope I never give the impression here that being a fabric nerd (though I enjoy that part too!) is the goal, or that this is a little club, and membership is given through certain bits of information. The goal for me is listening and expression. And I'm learning that the more I listen to myself and express what is in me, in words and colour, the more I take in the world around me and the world inside me. Like a loop.

I was in a bit of a stress last week, getting ready to go away, overwhelmed already by the amount of friends that would be at this conference we were going to, all of them asking how I was, not sure how to answer. I needed something to stitch while I was there, and the kids were in crèche. I needed something for my hands to do while I hung out in our room with sleeping children, or rested in my crafty friend's lounge room and talked fabric and projects.

With all the fun I'm having on my new machine, I didn't have any quilts to hand quilt. And my usual traveling quilt top was waiting on some more machine piecing before I could work on more applique.

My mind turned to the Star Blossom from Rachel's Handstitched Class. I looked it up on the computer, and then started to doubt if I should start a new project.

I slumped on the sofa, defeated. I took a deep breath, stopped and listened.

Suddenly, I realised what was going on. I started sharing it with Tim.
"I can't believe how I'm speaking to myself!" I exclaimed, "I'm saying things like, Jodi, you can't start something new, you're already doing too many things! and What are you going to make out of it anyway? You don't need anything for yourself and you can't sell something stitched by hand and expect to make any money out of it! I would never speak to anyone else like that!"

Then Tully, my nearly-5-year-old, (whom I had forgotten, can not only listen, but take in now as well!), said, "Mum! I have an idea! You could have an imaginary friend like me! You could name her and take her with you and she could say, Oh, that's a great idea, Jodi! and What beautiful work you're doing! and You are very good at this!"

Oh, what a precious gift that boy is to me! I went and printed out the templates, packed my needles and thread and chose this Chicopee line by Denyse Schmidt because I was in the mood for something traditional looking.

And all weekend I just stitched. Not stitched and wondered if I should have brought something else instead, or stitched and worried whether I should be at that meeting, etc, etc.

Then at the conference, I was asked to share about my experiences of opening a shop in town. I showed them my Star Blossom, and told them what Tully had told me. Then I told them that even though opening a shop had long been a dream of mine, that making at home, whatever ever I feel like, squeezed in around the edges, is a gift I am so thankful to be experiencing. Because for the first time, what I make doesn't have to be useful, or financially viable, it's allowed to just be beautiful.