Friday, 22 April 2011

Selling my life to myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a blog by Anna Maria Horner,  artist, fabric designer, seamstress and mother extraordinaire. I probably should have just sat and drunk my morning coffee on the back verandah instead. She has 6 kids, she makes beautiful things, she has a new studio, she takes photos of her lunch. Her life is perfect. I love her. But on this day she just made me feel small. My small house, my small kids, my small amount of kids (which the thought of increasing makes me feel completely overwhelmed). I decided I couldn't just mope. I needed to at least hang out the washing at the same time. And while hanging out the washing, with the lovely autumn sun on my back, I thought, 'Of course her life isn't perfect. Maybe she just has to make it look like that because she's selling her life. Her name is her brand.'

A few years ago we went on a trip around Eastern Europe. We stopped in Croatia for a few days in the beautiful town of Dubrovnik. It was awful. It rained the whole time. We were camping in this overpriced, rocky campsite. These Polish people camped so close to us that our ropes crossed over, and they stayed up talking till 3am. Because it was raining, we had to spend the whole time in doors, which usually meant caf├ęs, which usually meant spending money. Tim and I argued a lot about spending money. But this one day, it was fine enough for us to walk around the old city walls. The photos we got were amazing. Deep purple clouds, rich terracotta roofs, the Adriatic sea crashing into the strong walls. And now, whenever these photos show up on our screen saver, I look at them and sigh nostalgically, "Croatia was sooo beautiful..."

Anyway, hanging out the washing that day, thinking about Anna Maria and the Adriatic coast, it occurred to me that maybe I could sell my life to myself. I could take beautiful pictures of my washing hanging in the sun, and my chickens scratching in the garden and my baby girl giggling because I'm changing her nappy (Wow, my life sounds good already, don't you think?) and convince myself that this is the life I really want, right here where I am now.

So I'm going to write a blog about funny things my son says, about beautiful things I get to sew on daycare days, about everything that's good about getting the washing done, and maybe some reflections about life and motherhood, because hey, as soon as you start a blog, you have to be an expert on something, right?
And if you start to feel small when you read my blog, just remember, my life isn't always like this. I'm just trying to sell myself a brand. But forgive me if I don't tell myself that.

2 comments:

  1. This is such a brilliant post, and exactly how I felt when I first set up my blog. I am glad you have come full circle and learned to love and appreciate what you have <3 (I am kinda getting there but things are kinda sucky right now).

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  2. Hi, I found this post in my new struggle with google reader! I love it. It's a fab intro to your blog :)

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I so love your comments! I read all of them and reply when I can. If you don't hear back, I'm lost under a mound of scraps or outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Jodi. xx