Friday, 14 June 2013

five years

It was five years yesterday since I became a mum. We spent the day yesterday celebrating Tully's birthday, but today I've been reflecting on the anniversary. I don't think of it often, because it makes me uncomfortable, the way that supposed-to-be-precious day went from the photo above to the one below.
They say those first moments make all that came before it fade away. Instead, I looked at this little alien and wondered where the heck he came from. 

The alien and I got to know and love each other slowly, rather than experiencing any fierce, instinctive wave of emotion. And if there's one thing I'm thankful for, it's that I decided just to ride it out, be with it, rather than fear that something was wrong.
And the more he's grown up and I've grown up, the more we like ourselves and each other. 
A few weeks ago, Tully exclaimed in a sighing kind of way, "Oh, I just love our family!"
And I realised that I did too. That they didn't feel like aliens to me any more, but part of myself. And I realised that deep down, that's what we all long to feel. That we love the unit we belong to. And that my role was to enjoy him and help him discover all the good parts of himself.

I've been trying to think up a poem for Tully over the last few weeks, but nothing has really been coming to me. Then one of our friends gave Tully "Oh the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss. Have you read it? We did last night before bed, and it expressed exactly everything I'd love Tully to know and feel about the world.

Here are some snippets:

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose...

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right long.
You'll start happening too...

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights...

Except when you don't
Because sometimes you won't.
I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you...

Somehow you'll escape 
all that waiting and staying. 
You'll find the bright places
 where boom bands are playing...

Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you
win on TV...

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.
I'm afraid that sometimes
you'll play lonely games too
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you...

But on you will go
though the weather be fowl...

And on it goes, with just the right tone of realistic optimism, communicating that it's good and right to hope, especially when your expectations are dashed. That the ups and downs are all part of the adventure of life. 

It's great isn't it? And God help me equip him to face life like this. Because sometimes there are unplanned pregnancies, and unplanned caesareans that change life forever. And some surprises will bring unfathomed grief, and others, an adventure you can only enjoy if you dive in, shoes and all. 



  1. Lovely thoughts Jodi!! Tully is one lucky little boy!! xox Nikki

  2. I love this post. Thank you.

  3. Happy Birthday to Tully and happy anniversary to you. Unfortunately not all of us get the birth we have dared to hope for, I feel your pain on that count. But thankfully we have beautiful wonderful amazing challenging stretching growing exploring wondering thinking dancing singing creating amazing children that make the crumbs seem less important and the sorrow easier to move through onto something new.
    You are definitely raising one amazing young man who you should be so proud of.

  4. I had two caeserian births, the first an emergency delivery and the second because my second son was an elephant in disguise! So much focus is given to the moment of birth but in reality the important part of childbirth is the lifetime that follows it. I wouldn't change a thing about my now adult boys, not even the method of delivery! (Although maybe I and my washing machine could have done without one of them being a bedwetter until he was 16!) Enjoy them while they're small as your son will be enormous and hairy and smelly all too soon (and you'll still love him then too!)

  5. So, so true, Jodi. We really do fall in love with our children more over time, I believe. And the relationship takes work like any other. Your kids are so blessed to have you as their mom. :)

  6. happy birthday Tully, and to you too Mama. It is indeed an adventure for all.

  7. so good! Jodi!! so much beauty, warmth and truth in your blogs

    and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TULLY!! I really miss you all and I wish I was there to come to your birthday party (if you have one)

  8. Happy Birthday Tully! And hugs to all your lovely family :)

  9. Thank you for sharing your lovely and honest feelings. My son resembled a drowned creature, made even more spectacular with jaundice! He owns my heart.

  10. My first was a crash c-section delivery, very traumatic, followed by a long difficult bonding period. (Hugs) to you for getting through that rough experience... And happy mom-iversary.

  11. Oh, we love that book too! How was Dr. Seuss so wise? Lovely post, Jodi. I so enjoy sharing your reflections.

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I so love your comments! I read all of them and reply when I can. If you don't hear back, I'm lost under a mound of scraps or outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Jodi. xx