Friday 20 September 2013

making eyebrows


I think I've been staring at this computer screen for about 20 minutes now. My brain is a fog. It has been for the last two or so months. I'm spending life constantly double-booked, or finding myself on the couch wondering what I was doing, or just giving up and having a sleep. I think whenever I'm pregnant, my body becomes distracted making eyebrows, or whatever it's up to now. I am no longer Jodi. I am a vessel.
I'm thirteen and a half weeks now and I still feel sick most of the time. I felt sick with Tully till around 12 weeks, with Evie till 36. So I'm just starting to process the realisation that this might be me for another five or six months. I was snuggled up in front of the TV with Tully yesterday and one of the shows said, "It's time to let go of your expectations and go with the flow." I felt like it was for me. But OH! I think I find that the hardest thing to do EVER. I've come to that time of the year when the markets are busy, the custom orders are flowing in and I'm starting to write a completely ridiculous list of the Christmas presents I'd like to make. And I'm having a bit of a tantrum about the fact that I'll have to choose.


 It makes me really thankful that my friend Jodi has been coming around every Thursday to sew up our friends' Fire Quilt. And yes, I am amused that we share the same name. It's for all the times I wished there were two of me. Although we're not actually that alike. She's very organised, good at maths and never double books herself. Probably makes us quite a good team, really.


I can also rest in the fact that while my ideas for what I could make for the Olive Tree Markets are all amazing, I do have plenty of stock left over from the shop earlier in the year. More is not always more, Jodi. 


And this custom order for a patchwork table cloth brings all the fun of BIG piecing without the basting, quilting, binding. When I finish the top, I will actually be finished!


I think I'm the kind of person who takes a couple of months to find a groove in new situations, to decide what my priorities and goals are. At the moment my only goal is to not be ridiculous in my expectations of myself. I'd like them to be better articulated than that, but slowly, slowly. After all, the point of life is not to produce, but to be.
And today being means messaging a bunch of friends to cancel afternoon tea because I won't actually be here, I'll be on my way to Sydney for my Dad's 60th. It means not beating myself up for handing over my brain to my uterus.
Then I'll put on some music and do a very poor job packing for camping, because I can't for the life of me think intelligently about what we'll need. And then I will enjoy being with my family and celebrating my wonderful Dad and not worry about forgetting pillows or toothbrushes.
I do love that I can share this here. Writing is the way I process, remember, move on. Thank you friends. x

10 comments:

  1. My husband would laugh if he heard you saying I am good at Maths and I don't tend to double book myself so much as book more things than one human being can possibly do without a teleporting machine. I think some of your advice is advice for me too. I have so many ambitious plans for Christmas and I probably do need to make a list, plan my time and avoid the week before Christmas involving putting Amelia to bed and sewing till 3am... I really do learn so much from you :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just breath Jodi! YOu're doing a VERY important job at the moment - brewing a child! I completely understand and empathise, but am on the other side of it all now and can see it a whole lot clearer through the fog :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't push yourself! You will only feel worse. Your projects look beautiful

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah jodi! I'm glad your not being hard on yourself and your projects look gorgeous! Sorry you've been sick, i was through all of mine so you have my complete empathy xxx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Love your fabric choices - everything looks so bright and cheerful. Here's to good friends, being kind to yourself and growing a healthy baby.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Making Eyebrows - awesome post name. And, I'm happy you're in this brain fog, for all that means =)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I drooled over your pictures - such fun! Such color! All so beautiful. I also like the phrase "handing over my brain to my uterus." Sometimes I'm convinced I never got mine back.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Again, I just love the way you write, and combine sewing and honesty and life. Wishing you a miraculously easy pregnancy, and a peace about all the things you want to make but might not get to. x

    ReplyDelete
  9. So many great thoughts in here that I need to process and learn from myself. Always learning, growing, and putting one foot in front of the other, aren't we? :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. so many Jodi's that sew!!! crazy town!

    ReplyDelete

I so love your comments! I read all of them and reply when I can. If you don't hear back, I'm lost under a mound of scraps or outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Jodi. xx