Tuesday, 27 May 2014

The WIP box.


Last year felt like a year of letting go. I lost a baby, I shut up my shop in town, I had even denied myself the blissful escape of fabric shopping for the year. When I fell pregnant again, it was a joyful, terrifying, intimate experience. But it also felt like a final breath. I was having my third child. This is where I would bid farewell to my time and inspiration. Good bye Jodi. I'll see you in 20 years.

Perhaps it sounds melodramatic, but I couldn't actually fathom ever feeling inspired again. It was like all my creative energy was going into making an alien life form. I stopped selling at markets, I sold all my stock on sale, I put the rest in this box. I had no idea if you were ever going to see me again.


There are lots of little deaths in motherhood. There is the death that comes with loss and dashed hopes, and the death that comes with hopes granted and the consequent lack of sleep. There's the death of one's agenda, personal space, confidence, drinking tea while still hot. I expected those again. What I didn't expect is a kind of resurrection. I didn't expect energy. Motivation. Enjoying my craft again. Maybe it's hormonal, maybe it's that sweet certainty (and fingers crossed - we've had surprises before) that this is the last. This is us now. We are in the next phase. The phase of moving on, and not always starting again, not always in limbo - will we, won't we... And maybe it is as many of my friends have said, that with the third, you feel like you finally have permission just to enjoy them. And enjoy them at home. Because that's where you all feel safe and ordered and creative. And any parts left of you from years gone that said you should be out, doing things that are REAL and IMPORTANT are more easily silenced.


And so, for the first time in over a year, my WIP box is not glaring down at me from the top shelf. It's down, on my sewing room floor, lid open. (actually, I think the lid has been stolen to be used as a shield) And I have ideas. Lots. Enough to make it feel like a little death when I recognise my limitations. But I am thankful for the death that's chosen and not the one that feels like a loss of identity, that is just too tired.


So this year, with a million, beautiful interruptions, my goal is to empty this box. Perhaps it's unrealistic, probably it will be put to one side when Finlay starts to teethe, to move, to eat lego. But right now, I'm enjoying having a goal that is not just to take each day at a time (though I want to do that too).

I'm sure there was something else I wanted to say but the baby has awoken. So I'll show off my first WIP box finish (and our beautiful coast) and chat more next time.

Jodi. xx





15 comments:

  1. What a great post! People like to say that three is harder, but I don't really think it has to be unless they want their life to remain exactly the same. Life is all about change and oftentimes for the better, especially when we're talking about the longterm.:) Great finish!!

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  2. Seems like baby has woken something in you!! :) looking forward to seeing what you come up with and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy it all!! Loving the adorable baby pics xx

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  3. Such a thoughtful post! Although I'm on the other side of those baby days, missing them terribly, I can totally relate. I've kept, for months now, from sharing that my Dad is very sick. He transitioned to Hospice the Monday following Mother's Day. As a result, and in addition to my own health problems and other life struggles (some that I've already shared with you), I'm no longer blogging each day like I did prior to this new day to day life. I'm just not able to, due to not having the time or the energy. Instead I had to allow myself these little breaks and to work and breath at a slower pace. I feel encouraged by you that I might find, once again, that energy I had before. Thank you Jodi! XX

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  4. Lovely! The baby too. Glad you are finding some time to create

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  5. Thanks for sharing such beautiful and thought provoking words. Motherhood changes so much about us that we could never have imagined pre-kids. Enjoy your new goals and that baby :)

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  6. It's like you just posted what was in my head ... although I only have two babes.

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  7. That was sad, beautiful and full of hope!!!!! Thank you for you honesty.

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  8. Thank you for saying all those things.
    Sometimes I think the hardest thing about being a mother to young children is the inability to complete a single thought :) constant, beautiful, aggravating interruptions. I admire, and am grateful for your reflexions.

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  9. Beautiful Jodi. And oh, so true.. Xx

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  10. Hi, Jodi! So enjoyed this post. I know we're all glad that you have this unexpected energy and motivation. May it be blessed! Sweet baby =)

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  11. A lovely, thoughtful post. Thank you for sharing.

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  12. What a thoughtful and inspiring post! So much joy and beauty in the pictures of your newborn and your quilts. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us.

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I so love your comments! I read all of them and reply when I can. If you don't hear back, I'm lost under a mound of scraps or outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Jodi. xx