Thursday, 4 April 2013

Homecoming

                    

I'm home. And I have been so cared for. I had my miscarriage at home, just Tim and I. The kids were away camping on a weekend planned months ago. And while awful, it was a relief to be alone, to not need the intervention I've had with my other births, to be given space to trust my body.

I'm learning that grief is a waiting game. 
And that the loss of a child (or the hope of one) is not the only grief, but the loss of a routine and direction and identity. 
Don't get me wrong. I'm not completely without direction (or the other things that make me me). And I'm glad for the choice to come home. Excited even. I'm just continually surprised at the seemingly chaotic mix of hopeful, sunny days and acutely-aware-of-the-change-of-plans days.

I've enjoyed reclaiming our front sunroom as my new workspace. With the cooler weather approaching, I look forward to spending sunny winter days in here. I enjoyed unpacking my fabric into this wall shelf that used to be full of Tim's hoarded electronics. I think it's happier with these colours!


I've sorted most of my scraps into these bins. They are all full from 4 pillowcases of fabric. I still have 2 pillowcases left! But I've put these away in a cupboard for when these bins empty a little.
And do you notice my new friend? I got her second hand, hardly touched for a fraction of the cost of a new one. I'll introduce you properly later. But for now you just need to know we are getting along like a house on fire, and I've called her "Red".


I've started on some scrappy quilts, building a lovely pile of works-in-progress while I give myself time to just make whatever tickles my fancy.
And I've set up my iron under the window facing the tree. When it's not raining, this is where the winter sun comes through.
I'm looking forward to those days.
xx



12 comments:

  1. I am so terribly sorry that you lost your baby. Please accept my heartfelt prayers. xoxo

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  2. Jodi, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
    Marie xx

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  3. Blessings on you. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you have a new space to call your own.

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  4. So sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage almost 3 years ago and rarely a day goes by that I don't think about my baby - what was, what isn't and what ifs. I have other children and they keep me going for sure. And I am glad that you do too.

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  5. I'm glad that life is going on for you, Jodi, as helpful and difficult as that can be. You're still in my prayers. I hope you can find some peace in the midst of everything.

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  6. thinking of you and your loss. when i miscarried 10mths ago the hardest thing was having to pretend to people nothing was happening. i still had to do the school run and groceries and having people ask how are you while waiting for my body to do its thing. i wanted to scream at them i was crap and tell strangers what was happening, but instead, just smiled and said fine.
    i just had a baby girl a week ago. now i'm great! lots of love to you.

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  7. Sorry for your loss. I know the pain of losing a baby as well. Just take the time you need to grieve and love on your other little ones as much as possible!

    By the way, great new sewing space and machine :)
    Amanda

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  8. Jodi, thanks for keeping in touch with us. I hope that the writing and the sewing will be a bit of a blessing to you in this time.

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  9. Jodi,I am so sorry for your loss.The grieving process is different for everyone, so do whatever you need to do to grieve in your own way. You are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.

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  10. You are in my thought, Jodi! Sending love and hugs to you!!

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  11. :( I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I've been there too, and it certainly is a time to just take whatever feelings come your way. Sending you virtual hugs xx

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I so love your comments! I read all of them and reply when I can. If you don't hear back, I'm lost under a mound of scraps or outside jumping on the trampoline with the kids. Jodi. xx